


Love, love

by dasfwefcsdcfsdcas12314342



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Brother/Brother Incest, High School Students, Kissing, M/M, Sibling Incest, older brother Rick, younger brother Negan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 06:33:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19883194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dasfwefcsdcfsdcas12314342/pseuds/dasfwefcsdcfsdcas12314342
Summary: Negan loves Rick and Rick loves Negan, but not in the same way.





	Love, love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction, so... *awkward*

-

  
“What the fuck do you want me to do?” Negan said.

  
_Nothing_ , Rick thought. _I want you to do nothing, Negan._ However, he couldn’t say that out loud because he already knew those words would hurt Negan badly.

So, instead, he said, “We should order some pizza.”

Then he just turned away from Negan, picked up the phone. Negan immediately grimaced at that but said nothing. That was exactly what Rick wanted, after all. Stopping him from asking more questions.  
“Do you want some extra cheese on it?” Rick asked, covering his phone with his hand, side eyeing Negan.

Negan shortly sighed. He then walked towards Rick, kissing his forehead lightly, and said, “yea, I’d like that.”  
Negan’s kiss was always so warm, even when he was upset by Rick. Rick appreciated it, so he gave him a light smile.  
That must’ve seen as cue to further move. Negan then put his lips on Rick’s nose, making small sound.

Before he slid his lips over Rick’s, Rick said, “Don’t.”  
Negan paused at that short word. It almost sounded like he whispered, but it was so firm that made sure Negan to know he actually meant it.

Yet Negan’s lips were lingering above his, he could feel Negan’s strained breath.  
He knew Negan didn’t want to back off, but Rick also knew that Negan would never do anything against Rick’s will. He literally had no capability to do such thing. He loved Rick too much to do that.

That was, in fact, the problem. Negan loved him too much.

“Mom and dad will be here any minute now,” Rick reminded Negan.  
He looked into Negan’s eyes.  
His eyes were gleamed by the light above. He had such dark brown color in his eyes. So much different from Rick’s own.  
Negan used to joke about that difference when he was younger, that they might not be actual brothers.  
He didn’t think about it much at that time, but now that he thought about it, Negan would've wanted that to be true. He would've wanted it to become a truth, instead of just a silly joke.

Rick felt pity for him. His brother’s eyes were bit watery.

“I know,” Rick said. “What do you know?” Negan slurred.  
“I know it must be hard for you, and…” Negan cut off Rick’s saying, “You don’t.”  
He then stepped back a bit from Rick, “You don’t fucking know how I feel, you always just guess.”  
He scowled at his own feet, trying to beat back his trembling voice. Shadow casted over his face.  
Rick put the phone down, and he gently put his hand on Negan’s cheek. Negan’s breath hitched at the warmth of Rick’s hand.

“Hey, look at me,” Rick said softly. Negan eyed him instantly, his words always worked like spell to Negan. Negan never could say no to any of his saying. It was like a law of nature.  
Rick’s both hands were cupping his face now. He pulled Negan’s face down to his height and placed a light kiss on his lips. Even with that almost mockingly short kiss from Rick made Negan’s head spin.  
He buried his face deeper to Rick’s hands. Small tear dropped by that motion.  
“You’re too fucking cruel. You know that, and you’re enjoying it. You are a shitty person.”  
He barely whispered it through his breath, but he knew Rick heard him.  
Rick cracked a small smile at that.  
“Don’t cry. I don’t want you to cry,” he said it with another kiss. Negan’s tear smeared on Rick’s face. It glistened on his face under the light. The sight of it felt so unbearably intimate to Negan.  
“You can kiss me back if you want to,” Rick said to him with the same tone when he was asking if Negan wanted extra cheese on the pizza.

There was a brief silence after that. Negan didn’t tear his gaze from Rick’s eyes. His eyes were so pellucid, under the light, it was even brighter than ever.  
Negan sometimes thought he might be drowned in those eyes, and he thought he’d be okay with it. They were so different from his own. It gave him some kind of hope when he was younger.  
He used to joke about it that maybe they were not related at all, as if he didn’t mean it. Only if it was the truth, he thought. Then nothing would be problem for him.  
His tears didn’t stop from dripping. It was caused by a very simple reason, he was crying because he was sad.  
He wanted Rick so bad, his love towards him was disgustingly fierce.  
The worst part was Rick knew that, and he was willingly playing along because Rick pitied Negan.

Everything was so easy for Rick. Everything was so difficult for Negan.  
Maybe he liked to see him suffer. Maybe that’s why Rick keeps allowing him to adore him.

Rick frowned a little, like he didn’t understand. “Negan, please don’t cry. Am I hurting you?”  
Negan let out a small huff at that. Rick’s hands slid out a bit. Negan felt the desperation ascended at that sudden movement, he quickly trapped Rick’s hands into his.  
He felt pity for himself. He was pathetic. “You know you are,” he said.  
“I’m not trying to hurt you, you know that,” Rick said ever so genuinely.  
“I don’t.” Negan kissed Rick’s palm. “I never fucking know what you think.”

Rick said nothing to that. He just shortly caressed Negan’s cheek with his thumb. Negan let out a small whimper. Rick remembered that he used to poke his younger brother’s cheek when he was just a tiny baby.  
Negan was so little that Rick thought he might disappear in any minute, so he always had to check Negan’s presence. It felt so different now.

“I love you,” Negan said abruptly. His voice sounded so desperate.  
“I love you too,” Rick said. Because he really did. He loved his brother.  
“Fuck you, you know It’s not the same.” Negan pulled himself down to Rick. His fingers burrowed into Rick’s hair. Rick’s head was jolted a little.  
Negan wanted to devour him. He wanted to never let him go. He wanted to take Rick to somewhere nobody could ever find them.  
Rick could feel the heat above his lips. It was just lingering there, like Negan was afraid to be touched.  
Negan squeezed his eyes. His tear dropped right on Rick’s cheek. Rick’s hair tangled around his fingers. He felt nauseous.  
He longed for affection from Rick all the time. Every single second when he was awake, even when he was dreaming. But whenever he was this close to Rick, whenever Rick allowed him to get this close to him, he felt nauseous.  
He was disgusted by himself. He knew Rick didn’t feel the same. Rick never loved him the way he did. Rick never will.

“Why are you…” Negan choked.  
His lips brushed past Rick’s. He buried his face to Rick’s neck, he inhaled every scent of him. It was intoxicating.  
“Why are you doing this to me,” he cried. “Why are you letting me hold you, why do you kiss me, why the fuck are you…” his voice muffled into Rick’s neck.  
“Because that’s what you want,” Rick combed his hair with his fingers.  
“You are so fucked up just as much as I am,” he said. He pulled Rick closer like he cannot stand any space between them. “I don’t want to love you.”  
“But you do,” Rick hushed.  
“I want to kiss you,” Negan was sobbing. “But I can’t.”  
Rick felt the wetness on his neck. It was cold and warm at the same time.  
“Because it’ll disgust you,” Negan’s voice cracked.  
“It won’t,” Rick said back.  
“It will,” Negan whimpered.  
“Does my kiss disgust you?” Rick asked like he didn’t know the answer. Negan thought it was a ridiculous question. Of course it didn’t. It wasn’t a fair question.

“I hate it because you don’t mean it. I fucking hate it because it feels so good,” Negan hissed.

Rick paused. He wished he knew how to love his brother the way he loved him, if then his little brother wouldn’t feel so sad like this. But Rick didn’t know how. _I’m sorry_ , was all he could think to say.  
“I’m …” Negan abruptly pushed his lips on Rick’s.  
He couldn’t let him say that. It was the last thing he wanted to hear from Rick. Rick shouldn’t say that. It will shatter him into pieces.  
Once their lips met, Negan couldn’t think anything but the softness of Rick’s flash, the warmth of it, the wetness of their both lips from his tear.  
His tongue slid into Rick’s parted lips, it felt so obnoxiously entrancing. Negan felt like he was offering his heart through his mouth.  
He wanted Rick to swallow every blood from his heart and make this whole disastrously fucked up shit to stop. But at the same time, he wished it to never be ended.  
He wanted to taste Rick’s soft lips, feel the tangled pressure from their entwined tongues till he stops breathing.

His hand was now tracing down Rick’s spine, and Rick heard the footsteps behind the door. He pushed Negan a bit, but he didn’t budge. His grip tightened.  
Rick bit Negan’s tongue a bit harsh when he heard the clicking sound from the door. Negan pulled back himself then, watching his own blood dripping down from Rick’s lips.  
It made his stomach twisted. He felt sickening satisfaction with that sight. He placed his thumb on Rick’s chin, swiped up clean and put it in his mouth. He sucked it in with the wet sound.  
His eyes were fixed on Rick’s. His lips were reddened. He grinned with showing his teeth wide open. His teeth were all bloody.  
Seeing Negan’s twitched emotions swirled on his grin, Rick thought maybe he made a wrong choice in the first place, maybe he shouldn’t have… _but it’s too late isn’t it?_ Said the voice somewhere inside him.  
Rick tasted bitterness of Negan’s blood filled in his mouth.

  
Then the door clicked opened.

.


End file.
